Welcome to your Defensiveness Assessment.  Try to recall your actual behavior, feelings and thoughts just after an argument.

Name Email Phone Number

When my partner complained, I felt unfairly picked on.

I felt misunderstood.

I don't feel that I get credit for all the positive things I do.

What went wrong was actually not that much my responsibility.

To avoid blame, I had to explain why and how the problem arose.

I felt unfairly attacked when my partner was being negative.

When my partner complained, I realized that I also had a set of complaints that needed to be heard.

My partner's negativity got too intense, too much, too out of proportion.

My partner was too touchy, got feelings hurt too easily.

There was some truth to my partner's complaints, but it was not the whole truth.

When my partner complained, I thought, "I am innocent of these charges."

When my partner complained I felt that I had to "ward off' these attacks.

I felt obligated to deny the complaints against me that were inaccurate.

When I listened to my partner's complaints I thought of complaints of my own that weren't getting attention.

My partner's views of the problem were too self-centered.

I thought, "What you say only bounces right off me."

When my partner complained I thought of a way to reexplain my position.

When my partner complained I thought that if my position were really understood we wouldn't have all these issues.

It seems that all my partner can do is find fault with me.

Sometimes it feels like a partner is coming at me with a baseball bat.

During a hot argument I keep thinking of ways to retaliate.

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